If you have been to Rome, then you have seen how the Italians drive. You might be shocked and surprised to learn that the process for getting a driver’s license in Italy is a very drawn out, expensive, laborious, involved journey including a ridiculous 70 trick question, T/F test allowing for only 4 mistakes, even before you begin countless hours of practical driving lessons (on a manual 5 speed) with a school instructor who slams on the break if you even dare to approach a yellow light and, not to mention, mounds of administrative bureaucracy. The process can take some people years to complete. Yes. I am speaking from experience.
The “rules of the road” in Italy are clearly written. In the law. In a rule book. In black and white. Yet everyone breaks them. And many go unpunished.
I am sure at this point you are asking yourself – okay, well then, what are the “unwritten rules”?
The unwritten rules are those pertaining to culture “ims” and since I am a food-ie (and wine-ie. Made up word – thanks, I’ll take credit for it.), I am going to tell you about a few of the very important unwritten food and drink rules in Italy. And yep. You guessed it – these rules CAN NEVER BE BROKEN! If you break them, the Italians get very mad and you risk getting slapped like a 1950s catholic school kid getting his knuckles rapped by a nun. Alright, I am exaggerating a little…but let’s get to it. Here are just a few of the unwritten rules:
Rule #1: NO CAPPUCCINO AFTER 12 NOON!!! For the love of the Vatican, do NOT order a cappuccino after 12 noon. Well, okay – fine go ahead and do it. But be prepared to watch the Italians smirk, shake their heads and judge you from behind your back, or better yet. Right to your face. Cappuccino – featuring a truck load of frothy milk – is a breakfast item only, in Italy. No exception. That means, first thing in the morning when you wake up – cappuccino. Even worse, do NOT order a cappuccino after a meal, or even MORE worse (can I say that?) do NOT order a cappuccino to accompany your lunch or dinner. But why? Why? Why? What are you, two years old? I leave that reason for another blog article. Look for it HERE. If there is no live link, then I haven’t written it yet. Just do yourself a favor and follow this unwritten rule.
Rule #2: DON’T YOU DARE PUT CHEESE ON YOUR FISH. Fish and cheese just do not go together in Italy so don’t even think about breaking this unwritten rule. But, I know – it’s just that you are so used to automatically dousing your “Italian” pasta in America with cheese from a green shaker bottle. If you want to make the chef really mad, go ahead. But I advise you not to unless…well, you remember the nun. This isn’t food “your way”. This is Italy. There are rules.
Rule #3: EVERYONE GETS THEIR OWN PIZZA. Yep. You read that right. That means NO MORE NEGOTIATING your toppings. No more splitting your topping selections into halves and quarters. No more worrying about who is allergic to what. You get your very own pizza, with the toppings you want, so all you pizza lovers out there – rejoice, be selfish and indulge. No sharing! To learn more about pizza in Italy read my story on Pizza Trivia… (you know the drill, if the link isn’t live I haven’t written it yet.) PS – there is no garlic on the default pizza, or in the default pizza sauce in Italy. Get with it, America!
Rule #4: DON’T USE A SPOON TO TWIRL YOUR SPAGHETTI. What?!?!? Yes, you read that correctly, all you Italian Americans out there. I know your parents and grandparents taught you to eat your spaghetti this way but this is NOT how it is actually done in Italy. In Italy you don’t get a spoon with your spaghetti. Sorry. Okay, go ahead and ask for one and watch the waiter roll his eyes at you, mutter irritatingly under his breath “amerigano” and gesture famously. In Italy, it’s actually very easy, you quite simply use your fork to twirl your pasta. Next, while still using your fork, guide the twirled spaghetti ever so gently to your mouth and place the spaghetti inside. Close your mouth, slide the fork out but leave it up against your pursed lips and elegantly cut the spaghetti with the front of your teeth (mouth still closed, you barbarian) then gently lead the excess spaghetti back to its plate with your sophisticated fork. Voilà! Does that make any sense? No? That’s what I thought. Watch me giving a tutorial HERE!
Rule #5: ORDER DRINKS AFTER YOU ORDER YOUR FOOD. How could you possibly know what you are drinking, if you don’t know what you are eating? Yep, I know – in America you just order your coke straight away. Well, that is not how it works in Italy. You need to decide what you’re eating first, so you can decide what you are drinking because in Italy, certain drinks go with certain foods. For example, beer goes with pizza and red wine goes with meat, while white wine goes with fish. What you CAN order straight away is water. Did you know that you have four different options for water? Yep, that’s in another blog HERE.
Rule #6: ALCOHOL GOES WITH FOOD, WHILE SITTING DOWN. Every time I am back in the states, I am always surprised when I see Americans lingering around bars, standing up and drinking cocktails or even worse, wine. In Italy, we drink sitting down. With food. As a matter of fact, alcohol is almost always accompanied by some sort of food and usually small, picking snacks. Why? Because we don’t want to get drunk in Italy!!! Yes, we want a buzz and we want to enjoy our drinks but eating food while drinking alcohol will help our stomachs absorb the alcohol without seeping so fast into our blood and making us drunk. Rarely do we ever linger standing up with a glass of wine our hands (there are a few exceptions – usually a street-side enoteca with limited seating, but Italians still try to find every possible way to be in a sitting position). In fact, wine is usually accompanied by a sit-down meal. Again, there some exceptions but just lingering around a bar, standing with a glass of wine is generally a cultural no-no. And while on this topic, please! Hold the wine glass by the stem. I don’t want to see your grimy germy post-pandemic hands leaving fingerprints on the polished glass. SMH.
Rule #7: YOU MUST TOAST THE RIGHT WAY! Toasting, or “brindisi” in Italian, comes with its own set of unwritten rules. Generally, we toast every single time our group gets a new round of drinks. So, get used to toasting. A lot! Here’s how it works: when we toast, we must bring all our glasses to the center, clink collectively, while saying “cin cin” (pronounced CHEEN CHEEN) and most important – we look each and every person in our party in the eye. If you break these toasting rules you will be the lucky recipient of “seven years of bad sex”. So, you decide. Oh, and just so you know, there are some toasting “no-no’s”. Do NOT toast with water, ever. If you’re drinking water, then you’re sitting out the toast. Never CLINK with plastic. If you are drinking from plastic, you must instead rotate your plastic cup to CLINK with the back side of your knuckles, while all the other toasting rules still apply. And finally once you CLINK and TOAST you can NOT by any means set your glass down and ignore it without a sip. Don’t be rude! You did a toast, so you’re committed now – drink up!
Planning a trip to Italy and worried about breaking the unwritten rules? Get in touch with me! I will help you plan your daily itinerary for an unforgettable vacation and as an Italian food & wine specialist, I will remind you how not to break the Italian food and drink “rules”.
Marlo Di Crasto is a custom Italian vacation planner, dual citizen US/Italy, Italian food & wine expert and actress. www.livelaughloverome.com
